Fail parenting

I always knew how fearsome the wrath of nature was.

Pushed to the back of my mind, my humanity resided. For the time being I am purely in my frontal lobe. My instincts are control

- I am not even a sentient being anymore! I am more like one of those man-eating plants. My body is reacting and reacting, while

I am inside my mind totally unable to control its movements. Soon, I'm sure, I'll have it back. When the danger is passed, my

body will trust me to look after it again. This is more like a punishment I guess... my body is angry for getting into a dangerous

situation. Light! There is water in my lungs, it doesn't really hurt as much as I thought it would. My muscles are all in cramps.

Where am I? I can see wobbly shapes which are probably the beach. "I just saw you pull yourself out of that huge rip! I was

going to help but you were already getting out by the time I got to you," Shouted an American woman nearby. "Thanks," I lied.

My family had to be here somewhere. I wondered down the water-front. A female voice stated something quite irritating "Oh,

there you are. We thought you had gone back to the car after you dissapeared from the water." It was Mom. Mumbling I replied

"I was still in there, help would have been nice - but I suppose nobody was concerned when I dissapeared."

"Don't have such a mean attitude, you should sit on the beach if your going to be like that."

Anywhere away from the water would be good; "Yeah whatever - I was only drowning, whats the big deal, right?"

For a milisecond a grimace of regret shot accross my Mom's face, but then it turned into a grimace of irritation.

"Heres the towls and my handbag. I'll join you later"

Meandering up the sand dunes towards a nice spot I considered myself lucky to have an auto-survive function. If it was me in

control I would probably tire and give up. I set up the towls and lay down. By the time my family got out of the water I had

managed to build a small underground fortress, two castles, trenches, and great walls. There was a small war going on between

the pink shell people and the yellow shell people; both colours equally tiring to look at.

My family decided that since my step-brother and step-father had discovered a rip that they should head home. Getting into the

car, I wondered how my own family could just pretend like nothing was going on. But I suppose these things happen to me a lot;

I always come out fine.

On the way home, there was little scenery of interest. Just hills, a great expanse of blue sky, and trees. Some people appreciate

this, but after living in the same part of the country for years - nothing is a nice surprise.

Suddenly I was coiled up in foetal position. I couldn't see or feel anything, but I could hear the sound of the ocean - taste the salt on my lips. I discovered I was nice and warm, but tumbling round and round and round. Much like a washing machine. After a minute or so I discovered to my dismay that I was pulling myself out of the water. What water?

Suddenly here I am... back in the car. It must have been a dream. But then I realised - not just a dream. This was the event which again plagued my childhood, because for the first time my life had been in danger - drowning - and my parents failed to notice, and even when they did no help was offered. But this is my life I guess. Nobody really notices when I am in danger, only when I am about to put myself in mild-danger.

My parents tought me a lot in my life: nobody cares about your safety except for you; nobody wants to know; nobody is as stupid as you are. I know, not very good lessons. But then, I wasn't a child to deserve easy parenting I guess.

This is my personal trauma. The blackout.

Where did the title go

The days pass by with rain and wind. Tsunamis threaten. But consequentially nothing has happened so far.

Which made me wonder... Lots is happening in our mind. Yes. The tsunami happens a thousand times in our mind before it comes to pass. But effectively nothing happens. Much like the nature of ourselves. There is no cause and effect. There is only the mind. Cause and effect seem void.

Void.

Funny word that. The void. It seems distantly fearsome. But comforting - because there eternity is defeated.

The practitioner in mind

The act of changing the brain function over between different sides of the brain. Where do we put the gap between the left and right side? As far as I was aware was that if you severed any kind of connection between the two sides would prevent function. In some tests, people who had trouble with some certain aspects of thinking had their two sides separated. They survived. But they had still some trouble connecting thought. But what is this distinction from left to right? If left and right were so true then people would mix them up, forget, animals would understand. Is the mind not a whole?

In art, when someone reproduces something from life... It is said that the artist is using the right side of the brain. Because the right side of the brain is associated with creativity, thought free of language, and sudden erratic insights. But why is it that the logical though side (left) isn't associated with sketching from life. When sketching, one must logically place together a landscape, using exact methods of reproduction. Do the left and right not have equal parts to play in this.

This separation of the mind... functions of the brain... These are almost like saying that your left and right hand are physiologically different. Sure, they do different things. But isn't that just because we choose to do that? Isn't it just a point of view that we specifically portray upon these? Does a tree consider using its left or right side to house birds?

I really don't understand why there are such differentiations.

Maybe this is just a viewpoint that we cast upon our own minds.

When I was in a room full of people, a teacher put on a projector an animation of a woman who appeared to be spinning in one direction. But when you looked closer, she wasn't spinning, it was just a trick. For some people, this figure moved left, some right. But for some, it did neither. And even for a few, it did whatever they wanted it to. But after the teacher pointed out that it followed which side of the brain you used... Almost everyone could control its direction.

Sure, I do not dispute that if someone hits their right side of their head, they will be fine because of the left. Of course there is some separation, but brain studies conclude that each part is so entwined, that when some part of the mind is effected all of it is.

Just like the nature of life, everything is one.

Kind of like how it was found that the stomach is a second brain.

But the thing I really refuse - not so much, but find it impossible to grasp - is this distinction between aspects of the mind. When you stop thinking, you do not cease. When you are thinking you do not purely use one side of the brain.

Now I have no idea where I was going with this, and I have so much to say that I shall stop, and perhaps write something another time when I have a point to make.