Afterwards

Coming back from Vipassana, I could have written a blog straight away, but I thought it would be interesting to see how I felt on the second day.

Coming home in the morning was ecstacy, everything was good, everyone was happy, nothing was wrong with the world. FOR THE WHOLE DAY.

Day two, I woke up, feeling good, and began a new diet of veganism (or am at least trying).

So I awoke, meditated, then I ate, cooked breakfast for my grandma as well, cleaned the entire kitchen, cleaned the entire bathroom, took the recycling out, and was virtually done for the day. Nothing left to do except stuff which could be put off. And I was feeling happy. Very happy, and relaxed. But then I went on the computer, and my day was lost.

Maybe its these vibrations of pure apathy a computer presents. But I still managed to get things done, but a lot more slowly.

All in all, I feel there is something lighter. Some weight has been lifted. But it is so slight - almost unnoticable. I like it. "You know you've done something right when nobody is sure if you've done anything at all." As the saying goes. :)

Its been a long while coming - thoughts before Vipassana

It has definitely been a long time coming. I haven't written here for longer than I can remember. But that's fine by me. There's no point in writing about something you don't care for.

Over a month ago I signed up for a 10 day Vipassana retreat. I will be arriving there tomorrow - and I'll tell you now - I'm not looking forwards to it. I would really like to do it, but then again, I feel unable to do it... Even though I know I can. I feel like there might be some part of me which is inadequate.

But in retrospect I think that it will be fine, and that I will get through each day, because I sit at home, doing nothing but distract myself all day long with anything. My mind isn't really thinking, but I'm not in the moment either. So medicating my awareness will be something incredible, that I know I can find peace in.

Something I noticed today... I was stroking my cat, humming along to the music in my head, and then totally by accident, I tuned into a new frequency. The world. It was shocking - albeit sounding stupid. But I mean I really tuned in. I could hear all the sounds going on in the world. I could hear myself, and my own actions which made so much noise. I became aware of the sounds of the world. For a moment, and that's where I stopped. I was stroking my cat, aware of this new world of sound which had been previously drowned out by my noisy head. I shared an awareness WITH my cat, as I stroked her. This made me realise we all share the same awareness, if not senses. All beings aware share that. We cannot be separate.

And so, with my new-found understanding of awareness, sloppy meditation practice, and solid meta practice, I am now packing my bags to head off to the retreat tomorrow.

I wonder what I should pack - does it matter?