Its been a long while coming - thoughts before Vipassana

It has definitely been a long time coming. I haven't written here for longer than I can remember. But that's fine by me. There's no point in writing about something you don't care for.

Over a month ago I signed up for a 10 day Vipassana retreat. I will be arriving there tomorrow - and I'll tell you now - I'm not looking forwards to it. I would really like to do it, but then again, I feel unable to do it... Even though I know I can. I feel like there might be some part of me which is inadequate.

But in retrospect I think that it will be fine, and that I will get through each day, because I sit at home, doing nothing but distract myself all day long with anything. My mind isn't really thinking, but I'm not in the moment either. So medicating my awareness will be something incredible, that I know I can find peace in.

Something I noticed today... I was stroking my cat, humming along to the music in my head, and then totally by accident, I tuned into a new frequency. The world. It was shocking - albeit sounding stupid. But I mean I really tuned in. I could hear all the sounds going on in the world. I could hear myself, and my own actions which made so much noise. I became aware of the sounds of the world. For a moment, and that's where I stopped. I was stroking my cat, aware of this new world of sound which had been previously drowned out by my noisy head. I shared an awareness WITH my cat, as I stroked her. This made me realise we all share the same awareness, if not senses. All beings aware share that. We cannot be separate.

And so, with my new-found understanding of awareness, sloppy meditation practice, and solid meta practice, I am now packing my bags to head off to the retreat tomorrow.

I wonder what I should pack - does it matter?